I posted this to Facebook recently:

I just realized why I turned into such a… human being.

I’ll tell you all the reasons why I stopped seeing my psychiatrist and the reasons why I stopped taking my medications well before you learn that I’ve even stopped taking them or that I’ve stopped seeing him.

Why?

BECAUSE   IT    DID   NOT   WORK.

And how did I realize it? I had to stop taking my medications and never see my psychiatrist again to realize it. What that meant was not a good thing.

However before I tell you the nasties… I cry now because I actually cry. You know? Like. I feel because I no longer take fucking pills that debilitate the chemistry that make one do that thing to do so. YEP! I FELL BECAUSE I FUCKING FEEL! I cry all the DOG damn time because I can. And it feels so refreshing to do so!

I am because I think and because I think, I fucking sob.

What that meant was an actual experiment. An actual physical and mental experiment. One that I was not prepared for nor was my family, doctors, psychiatrist, psychologist and the only reason no one was ready for it was that I continually lied about it for weeks. Not so much about the “what was” or the “will you”. More so the “what is?” The sort of questions and situations that I had control of. 

Even before I get into it… I’ve had horribly lucid dreams and been talked into thinking that was the best part of these side effects. Did you catch that? I’m being talked into the side effects of prescription drugs from patients. THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?!? 

I’ve been off of SEROQUEL for FOUR MONTHS!
“This medication is used to treat certain mental/mood conditions (such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, sudden episodes of mania or depression associated with bipolar disorder). Quetiapine is known as an antipsychotic drug (atypical type). It works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural substances (neurotransmitters) in the brain.”

I’ve been off of EFFEXOR (Venlafaxine) for FOUR MONTHS! Venlafaxine is used to treat depression. It may improve your mood and energy level, and may help restore your interest in daily living. Venlafaxine is known as a serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI). It works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural substances (serotonin and norepinephrine) in the brain. This medication may increase serotonin and rarely cause a very serious condition called serotonin syndrome/toxicity. The risk increases if you are also taking other drugs that increase serotonin, so tell your doctor or pharmacist of all the drugs you take (see Drug Interactions section). Get medical help right away if you develop some of the following symptoms: fast heartbeat, hallucinations, loss of coordination, severe dizziness, severe nausea/vomiting/diarrhea, twitching muscles, unexplained fever, unusual agitation/restlessness.

I’ve been off of these prescription medications not by medical suggestion. Not by Doctor’s recommendation. Not by Psychiatrists or Psychologists recommendation suggestion or prescription. I’ve been off of those medications because one morning I simply wanted to stop. Ya know what? BEST DOG DAMN DECISION EVER. I am happy. As in H-A-P-P-Y. Do you remember that real happy? That organic, ‘hunny from a pot like winnie the pooh bear bear honey kind of hunny’?

I have FUCKING feelings. I cry about everything because the world is in DOG DAMN pain and it makes me realize it.

I’m DONE with the drugs. I’m back to like and the O’natural! Give, me that life and that SYM-PHO-NY!

Welcome to the world bitches. Let us cry and laugh and fucking enjoy what we’ve done to ourselves.

Suck up that bitter. For without that bitter there is no sweet.